Space Warlord Baby Trading Simulator Review – Hilarious, Horrifying, and Short
I played Strange Scaffold's arcade stock-market satire where you 'trade' simulated alien babies. It's clever, darkly funny and blessed with an excellent soundtrack — but it's short, RNG-heavy and can feel repetitive fast.
Space Warlord Baby Trading Simulator wears its absurd premise on its sleeve: you don't actually trade babies, you trade futures built from simulated lives. I came in expecting a joke wrapped around an odd mechanic and left grinning more often than shocked. It's a direct spiritual successor to Space Warlord Organ Trading Simulator in tone and satire, leaning harder into arcade economy mechanics and dark comedy. What makes it stand out is the hook — short a baby, buy a baby, hire shady consultants — and a soundtrack that somehow makes moral bankruptcy sound cool.
Trading the Unthinkable
The core loop is gloriously simple and intentionally ridiculous: you buy and short alien baby stocks across procedurally different planets, watch price graphs wobble, and cash out when you can. Days pass in quick, arcade-style turns: pick a planet, choose babies, decide whether to buy, sell, short or place side bets, and optionally hire consultants for extra predictions. The moment-to-moment play feels like a mashup of a stock-trading minigame and a frenetic arcade scorer; I found myself shouting at graphs more than at enemies. Shorting a baby is the headline gimmick — equal parts hilarious and heartless — and it creates nail-biting swings when a life suddenly blossoms instead of collapsing. There's also a loan shark breathing down your neck which adds a genuine tension spike: a single bad day can cascade into tragedy and comedy in equal measure.
When Babies Drive the Market
What sets this apart is the absurd narrative framing and the micro-events tied to each simulated life: marriages, promotions, tragedies and the midlife crisis dips that crush prices. Consultants and planet trends give you partial insight — sometimes helpful, sometimes hilariously wrong — which lets you plan but never fully control outcomes. Each of the seven (currently six in some builds) campaign arcs flavors the loop with a small gimmick, so runs feel like bite-sized arcade episodes more than a sprawling campaign. The game deliberately trades depth for punchy, repeatable sessions: you can develop meta-strategies, but RNG and event timing often decide the big moments. That unpredictability makes some sessions feel like genius plays and others like spiteful jokes from the universe.
A Neon Soundtrack and Slick Presentation
Graphically, the game mixes cartoony sprites with more detailed painted cutscenes, which occasionally clash but usually read as intentional oddness. Babies and aliens have charmingly strange designs — some hit the uncanny valley while others are delightfully absurd — and the UI is clear and arcade-friendly. The standout is Kris Kirk's pulsing electro-industrial soundtrack: every planet has its own track and the music sells the mood better than any tool-tip. Performance was smooth on my Windows machine and controls are tight with mouse-driven trading. Accessibility options are minimal right now, and some UX rough edges (like a bugged short button reported by players) need ironing, but the overall presentation is confident and stylish.
Space Warlord Baby Trading Simulator is a brilliant concept that mostly delivers a short, sharp thrill. It's funniest when it leans into its own nastiness and the soundtrack sells every manic market swing, but beware of repetition and RNG frustration. Buy it if you want a wicked, bite-sized satire and can forgive a lean campaign; hold off if you need long-form depth or meticulous simulation.
Pros
- Brilliantly weird premise with dark, effective satire
- Tight, addictive arcade trading loop that creates memorable moments
- Outstanding electro-industrial soundtrack that sets the mood
- Quick runs make it great for bite-sized sessions
Cons
- Heavy RNG and sometimes inconsistent consultant info can feel unfair
- Limited content and repetition: campaigns and planets can feel samey
- Occasional bugs and rough UX moments reported by players
Player Opinion
Players are polarized but there's a clear thread through reviews: many love the dark humor, the soundtrack, and the instant, high-stakes thrills of a Trading Rush. Common praise highlights the game's comedic writing, the joy of a perfectly-timed short, and the arcade feel that makes losing spectacularly still fun. On the flip side, a sizeable portion of reviews call out excessive RNG, repetitive campaigns, and a feeling that content is thinner than early demos suggested — multiple players finished the game in a few hours and wanted more. Several reports also mention bugs (like a short-button glitch) that have been patched quickly in some cases, while community drama around the devs has left some players wary. If you enjoy economy-sim satire, frantic decision-making, and chasing gold medals, you'll get a lot out of it; if you hate gambling against luck or expect deep sims, you'll probably be frustrated.